The "People's Professor"

How it went down:
McCain: “Senator Obama doesn’t know this and he doesn’t know that and he’s naive and he can’t tell a strategy from a tactic and he’s practically an infant and he’s never been locked in a Vietnamese tiger cage and I am old and wise and have had lunch with a lot of important people and visited many unpronounceable places and some of them I just made up by mumbling something and adding -ekistan to the end of that mumble.”
Obama: “John, that’s just not true…”
Jim Lehrer: “We’re out of time”

How it shoulda went down:
McCain: “Senator Obama is so young I would like to give hime a spankin and warsh his mouth out with soap…”
Obama: “God you are old.  I mean you are just so old and old people suck.  I bet you wake up at 4:30 in the morning and put on your old man sweater and drive 30 mph to the mall to walk around inside before the stores open and then go to the bank to talk for 15 minutes with the teller about your grandson while all the young people with important things to do wait in line behind you and then you go home to clip out coupons for adult diapers and then you have a nap in your craftmatic bed and soak your dentures and then you go to the seniors’ centre to play bridge with Mabel and Violet and Stan and then you go to a moderately priced buffet-style restaurant for an early-bird meal at 4:00pm and then you go home and wait for telemarketers to call you so that you’ll have someone to talk to and then you go to bed at 7:30, the minute Wheel of Fortune is over.  In other words, you’e old, with a fat jowelly old-man face and old balls.  Nobody wants a grampappy running the country.”
McCain:  “Senator Obama…that kind of attack is..”
Obama: “OLD!…you’re old”
McCain: “I have the experience to…”
Obama: “You have experienced erectile dysfunction and hip-replacement surgery!”

Etc.