pbrown:
Arrrgh!!!! For the last several years it has been the back up plan of myself and vigeant.dudevice.com to start a restaurant. The basic idea was a combination of two of our favourite things at the time we thought of the idea: i) Shake ‘n’ Bake Chicken, & ii) Steak.
The main attraction at this restaurant was to be Shake ‘n’ Bake Steak. I know that this sounds odd, or even downright un-appetizing but we believed in the idea. We even tried cooking the dish once, even though it turned out horribly. The juice from the steak oozed into the bread crumbs while we were baking it in the oven and made the whole thing super soggy. This is where we started playing around with other ideas; like flash frying the breaded steak first and then baking it, and many other variations.
Whatever… So what am I all up in arms about? Luke, who is currently in Texas, just sent me a picture (posted above) of a restaurant that clearly offers the dish and that has the name “Steak ‘n’ Shake”. Of course, only in Texas would they be into something like this. I can see it now… group of friends goes to a highschool football game, goes for a round of cow tipping afterwards and then tops it all of with a round of late night Shake ‘n’ Bake Steaks! The perfect night! This business venture in Texas would limit the potential expansion of our Shake ‘n’ Bake Steak franchise into the U.S somewhat… but I am confident that between Luke, myself and our overwhelmingly incredible business acumen that we could outsmart these idiots.
What about a name for the restaurant? We had a plan for that too; Jake ‘n’ Blake’s Shake ‘n’ Bake Steakhouse. This would involve the two of us changing both of our names; Jake Vigeant & Blake Brown. I’d be totally willing to do it though… of course an idea like this could only be wildly successful and be excepted with great fanfare. Also, what about our jingle? We’ve got one… but that will be another post altogether. For the time being I will have to arrange a meating (that’s how we spell meeting at J’n’B’s Steakhouse) with my business partner to discuss the implications of this Texas business venture. Good day.
Paul’s anger was reflective of the same one that lived within me. But, this anger in me has now calmed… let me explain to you what happened.
Four Mojitos into last night I made the decision to burn down the Steak n’ Shake by my hotel. I went down to the bar in my hotel, ordered 3 shots of tequila and lined them up in a triangle on the bar and opened my mouth wide around them clamped down with my lips, picked them up, tilted my head back and swallowed all of the contents… I walked out of the hotel bar with glasses still in mouth, spitting them into the fireplace in the front lobby much to the dismay of the lady working the front desk. I told her to cool it, and started walking towards the local gas station. I got a Dale Earnheart Jr. themed/sized Big Slurp cup and filled it with premium Gasoline. I went inside and layed a $20 down on the counter and brought my finger to my lip in a ‘hushing motion’ to indicate to the attendant to stay quiet, he nodded in understanding and handed me a lighter saying “You may need this…” I thanked him and walked out.
I walked .06 miles down the highway to the Steak N’ Shake, they were just closing up. The manager was at the front door and told me that they were just closing, I kicked the door in his face and said “Yeah, forever. Get in the fucking back.” He said nothing as the force of the blow from the door rendered him unconscious. I told the two remaining employees of the store that they could leave, and not to call the police for at least 30 minutes or I would find them. They agreed. I started methodically pouring gasoline over the most flammable parts of the store, seat cushions, fake plants, garbage cans, and burger greese. I took my shirt off and began reciting the monologue I had been practicing on the way to the restaurant: “There is not enough space for both of us steak n shake, why did you have to do this… WHY??!? this was my idea… THIS WAS MY IDEA!!” I then paused and cried for roughly 10 minutes. I turned the lighter on, and looked up at the heavens to scream as I went through with the seemingly inevitable next step. I Screamed: “STEAK AND SHAKE YOU WILL BB…” but then stopped as I saw the sign hanging from the ceiling advertising a steak and a MILKSHAKE. They were not shake and baking steak after all. Relieved, I woke up the store manager ready to apologize and face the music. Luckily, he remembered nothing and asked me what happened… asking if ‘The Mexicans’ broke in again. Remembering that I was in Texas and this kind of racism is still legit… I said: “Yes, it was Mexicans… not me.” I left the store, went back to my hotel, put on a shirt, brushed my teeth, and fell asleep with a sense of future financial security knowing that my 2012 business idea is still safe.
Here is to hoping no one checks the surveillance videos before I fly back to Canada today.
OR
I went to the Steak n’ Shake Website - http://www.steaknshake.com and found out the nature of their business.
I promise it’s one of those two things.
